In The Spirit Of Things

I used to do some acting as a kid. Beyond a lot of show choir and dabbling in musical theatre, I was in a few commercials, all low budget and mortifying. I was in a few movies, as well. They too were all low budget and mortifying while ALSO having the curious distinction of ALL being costume dramas. Partly, this was because the place I grew up was close to an historical village/tourist attraction that drew its share of film crews. I also suspect that I was cast in these movies because I have that kind of face. I don’t even know what “that kind of face” is, other than “not exotic”, or “plain” but there you have it. I only ever got cast in period dramas that involved me wearing bloomers and petticoats and bonnets and dresses, all made of itchy wool that bordered on felt, something akin to torture when shooting in the rain.

So it came as no surprise when I auditioned for a movie set to shoot at the historical village and was invited for a callback…in Toronto. Very exciting! I had an exceptionally “not exotic” face! I presented myself to the on-camera Toronto audition in a plain dress, my hair pulled simply back. I looked the part. And the part. Yes, the part. What of it? I was reading the part of a girl in a quilting circle. The youngest (and only unaffianced) girl in a quilting circle, to be exact. The scene read something like this (I’m GS):

A: I am very happy to be betrothed to Ezekiel. He is a good man. Every day, he helps father in the field. He will be an excellent provider.

B: I am very happy to be betrothed to Jebediah. He is a handsome man. Even Martha Featherstone agrees, and she is the prettiest in the whole town!

C: My marriage to Samuel is so wonderful. You have much richness and love to anticipate. Being a wife is a bounty of things to enjoy (giggles).

GS: Oooooh…Ezeeeeeeekiel….Ohhhhhh! Jebediah! Ezeeeeekiel! Oh Ezekiel! Jebediaaaaaah! Oooooh! Saaaamuel! Samuel! Samuel! (wild giggles)

Read this to yourself. How does it sound?

Here’s how I read it: like I was a ghost. Like I was a ghost, haunting three very unfortunate men. Like a ghost who really enjoyed, uh, ghosting, hence the maniacal (read: head thrown back) spin I put on the "giggles" bit at the end. Obviously.

I read it once. The table sat in silence. They asked for another read. They told me to be more “into it”. I went for it. More wailing, more vibrato, more EVERYTHING, drawing directly from my favourite ghost of all time, Jacob Marley in the Alistair Sim version of ‘A Christmas Carol’. They dismissed me after a third read.

I thought I had it in the bag. I mean, I had totally ghosted the shit out of that thing, right?

Sigh.

Yeah, I have a favourite all-time ghost. What of it?

p.s.(i was 20)

(I had forgotten about this whole debacle until this week, when ‘Operation Take Back The Music” decided to reclaim The Mountain Goats’ ‘The Life of the World to Come’, which I’d had to break up with not long after its release fall of 2009, owing to some unpleasantness which I will not go into here. Anyway, I got the album back, but this story came with it. Do with it what you will.)